


somewhere between dusk and daylight

by notkai



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Depression, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Poor Thomas, Probably not good, james loves thomas okay, jeffmads month, jeffmadsmonth2k18, pants'd, the author regrets some things, there we go those are the important ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 08:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13922883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notkai/pseuds/notkai
Summary: Hurt/comfort prompt for jeffmads month. Thomas is having trouble sleeping.





	somewhere between dusk and daylight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [isnonstop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnonstop/gifts).



> i wrote this all in one go and i am very tired. this is probably kinda trash whOOPS anyway i love jeffmads and!! I love @isnonstop!! who inspired me to write this tysm

When Madison wakes up, the first thing he does is go to turn off the alarm on his phone. He's still half asleep, so it takes him a moment to realize his alarm isn't what woke him up. It didn't even go off, in fact, and it wouldn't for another four hours. He chalks the movement up to habit from turning the alarm off each morning and sits up a bit, trying to get his bearings. He realizes what woke him up almost instantly. The left side of the bed is empty. 

Madison sighs and swings his legs over the side of the bed, forcing himself to stand up. The air in the house feels a bit colder than it did when he went to sleep, and James knows exactly why. Thomas leaves the window open every time, no matter how much James pleads for him to close it. 

Barefoot, James pads out to their guest bedroom. It has a large window occupying one of the walls, and it oversees a section of roof that juts out from the house. James can almost always count on finding Thomas here if he ever goes missing. Recently, it's been happening with increasing frequency. It's beginning to worry James.

He doesn't bother to announce his presence before climbing through the open window and shutting it behind him- just because Thomas is impervious to the cold doesn't mean James should have to freeze. He tries not to shiver as the cold night air nips at his exposed skin. James settles himself right next to Thomas, giving him a couple seconds to adjust to the change in environment before beginning to speak. 

"Couldn't sleep?"

That much is obvious. Thomas is still in his pajamas, his hair tucked back into a ponytail like it usually is while he sleeps, and there are glaringly obvious dark circles beneath his eyes. Even in the dark, James can make out how gaunt, how utterly drained Thomas looks. A pang of worry resonates through James as he looks at his lover; he's not used to seeing Thomas look this...lifeless. 

Thomas lets out a quiet sigh and leans back, resting his weight on his hands. "I...yeah. Couldn't get my brain to quiet down." James nods understandingly; his own struggles with anxiety and depression have taught him just how difficult it can be to stop thinking long enough to fall asleep.

"Is it okay if I touch you?"

Thomas nods, so James reaches out and takes his hand. Almost instantly, some of the tension drains out of Thomas. "Do you want to tell me what you're thinking about?" James prompts gently. Thomas usually doesn't tell him- says he can't find the words, can't verbalize whatever awful cognitive distortions he's experiencing, so it surprises James just a bit when Thomas starts to speak.

"I...I don't know. I just feel so... _drained_ , and I don't know why. I've been doing so well, too- I've been taking my medicine and going to therapy. James, I've been  _journaling_." Thomas seems to curl in on himself just a bit, his eyes flickering downwards. James wants nothing more than to reach out and pull him close, so he does. Thomas shifts towards him as well, fitting their sides together like pieces of a puzzle. Thomas sighs and rests his head on James' shoulder, still staring out at the darkened horizon. "When am I gonna stop feeling like shit?"

James shrugs with his free shoulder. "Whenever this depressive episode ends, I suppose. Most things are temporary, Thomas. You're not gonna feel like shit forever, I promise." He runs his fingers through Thomas' tight coils and smiles when he's rewarded with Thomas curling into his side like he belongs there.

After a few moments of silence, Thomas seems to relax a bit. Or maybe fatigue is just starting to overwhelm him. "You're right."

James can't help the cheeky reply that follows. "I usually am." For the first time that night, Thomas cracks a smile. James thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

They stay outside for a few minutes longer, sitting in a comfortable silence. Eventually, though, James says, "As much as I am enjoying this, can we go inside? I'm tired. And cold as fuck."

Thomas' answer is to move away from James and crawl back inside the window, offering his hand to James to help him in as well. Once they're inside, Thomas shuts the window. James is too tired to make a sarcastic comment about how it only took him a million reminders to close the damn thing.

"Alright, love. Let's go back to bed," Thomas says, lacing an arm around James' waist as they walk back to the bedroom. James wastes no time in crawling between the sheets, much more at ease now that the left side of the bed is occupied. He lies down and pulls Thomas close to him, tucking his head beneath his chin. He closes his eyes and listens to Thomas' steady breathing for a few moments. When he speaks, James can feel the vibrations. "Sleep well, darling. I'll see you in the morning."

James holds back a yawn, almost too tired to respond. He's already starting to fall asleep as he answers. "Sleep well, Thomas. Love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
